I want you to imagine an area of your life that you want SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Perhaps it is achieving weight loss, improving a relationship, advancing at work, starting a new career, getting your household more organized, saving money for retirement or a trip, training for a 5K or growing spiritually. Whether you have been “thinking” about doing this for a while or have “attempted” to do this and never had success - it doesn’t matter. Let’s get some breakthrough and make this happen for you!
Let’s first assess if this “change” or “thing you desire” is even possible. This really begins with one basic question - WHAT CONTROL DO I HAVE? Let me provide some clarity here for you control freaks (like me). No matter how awesome you are at fixing people’s lives by telling them what to do and why they should do it - this cannot be part of your strategy to achieve something. We do not control other people. If you truly believe you have control over your husband, your grown children, your parents, your friends, the weather, your job, your circumstances, God, etc. you are kidding yourself and you need more help than this blog is going to give you. Life can change in the blink of an eye (BLINK) and everything and everyone can be gone (BAAM) and what are we are left with is the question we began with - WHAT CAN I DO IN THIS SITUATION?
So if you want to change your grown son’s life because he is thirty something years old and living in your basement, you can only control your part of the situation. (Kick his grown butt out or start charging rent or raise the rent are all things to consider.) Trying to control something or someone that is ultimately out of your control will quickly lead to exhaustion, overwhelm, resentment, frustration, bitterness and ultimately hopelessness. That’s no way to achieve a goal.
So let’s really do this. Go ahead and think about this goal you have. I encourage you to write down:
- Everything you have control over. This may include things such as what you spend your time on, what you spend your money on, scheduling, schooling, researching, voicing your opinion, studying, hiring a coach, choosing who you spend time with, what you share with others and who you share it with, what you read, what you watch, how you talk to yourself, joining a gym, having tough conversations with people, committing, surrendering and being grateful.
- Everything you do not have control over. This includes what other people do. What other people say. How other people react. What other people think. Catastrophic circumstances like weather, illnesses, accidents, etc.
Most people tend to want to buy, read or hire a solution. They think they want to be told what to “do”. If this strategy worked, then every how-to book, blog, video series, workshop etc. would have already fixed your problem. Seriously, there are a TON OF AMAZING resources out there to give you “actions” to get you “results”. But despite all these great resources that you have probably invested in, you still have your problem or lack in some area, don’t you? The point being is how to’s are not enough because WE DON’T DO THEM.
So then we turn to people to give us what we want - we hastily get into a relationship with someone we barely know and decide to move in with them because we want SOMEONE to MAKE US feel loved, beautiful, worthy, etc. We put unrealistic EXPECTATIONS on how our IMPERFECT and also NEEDY family and friends need to treat us because we want to feel appreciated and feel like we are enough. Then when that doesn’t do it, we go to THINGS like clothes, wine, trips, boats, nail salon visits, food to FILL UP what is missing in our lives. Ugh. Exhausting and NOT-SUSTAINABLE!
The common denominator in all of your problems, relationships, situations is you. This is harsh, but true. YOU play a major role in what you currently have (or don’t have) and what needs to be done to get something different. This may sound awful, but it’s actually incredibly empowering because you have control over you! You may not always feel in control of your thoughts (did I just think that?), actions (did I really just do that?) and reactions (oops, I shouldn’t have done that), but ultimately you are in control! It’s your mind. From this place of power, change is always possible.
I will be sharing more on this topic of getting you out of the rut of being stuck in your life, but today begin with assessing 1) what you really want/desire and 2) what you have control over and 3) Based on your answer to #2, what is possible?
At The Healthy Edge, you start with the inside so you get sustainable and amazing results on the outside - weight loss, energy, confidence...oh my! We believe you have everything you need within you to be fully who you have been created to be - let me support you in tapping into that inner power. Schedule a free coaching session with me and let’s chat